=XXXXXX

Saw this personality quiz on pam's blog http://www.goldinuniverse.com/ which is rather interesting, to choose the colours i feel most at peace with, one by one. Don't know why but of all the colours, i chose yellow 2nd last, before black. That shade of yellow just didn't seem to agree with me. The results:

You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and, whatever the reason, at this time of your life you feel as if you are being 'left out'. What you really need is perhaps some 'tender loving care'.
You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.
You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.
Setback after setback has resulted in considerable stress and now you have got to the stage where you are continuously on your guard, not only to protect yourself from others but to protect yourself from yourself. It would seem that many of your unfulfilled hopes and dreams have led to uncertainty and suspicion. You no longer wish to answer to others and you are insisting on freedom of thought. You feel that you are fully self-sufficient and can control your own destiny. You are seeking ways to protect yourself from further loss of prestige and against further setbacks. You have become very dependent and you doubt that matters could possibly get any better in the immediate future and this negative attitude is leading you to exaggerate your claims and to refuse reasonable compromise.
You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

How should i put it, indeed, i feel kinda left out now but it doesnt matter to me. I've been like that for most parts of my life ahaha. It's true that i can't really find someone who can truly understand what i'm going through now. Not a big ordeal, but when all those small things add up, it's not a nice feeling =(
Band. I think i'm worrying too much over the whole student conductor thing.. but the other band members are so experienced, i don't feel qualified to take on such a role. I hope no one important sees this but actually i just wish to play my saxophone properly and not take on any more stuff. Today's conducting.. well it was alright i think. Just some problems with percussion.

Sometimes i dont know what is it that i want. Assurance or the truth. I've got many kinds of reactions when ppl know that i'm conducting. While most were very supportive, a few gave me the 'are you sure you can do it look' and some said ' a conductor does nothing right? Just wave the hand about'. Aiya maybe i'm being too sensitive but it really bugs me when ppl don't see the worrying parts of a problem and just wave it off like nothing. I'm not talking about band here, but alot of other instances too. Eg: earth week during sec 3, building the chem va model, planning the activities for cip +++ Whoops digging up lots of grudges here =X

Enough ranting. I received my blood group report today. Disappointing. I'm an A+ Why, if only i can get that for all my exams =DD